When I was dating I remember constantly being smothered with that giant question like a bloated bear was sitting on my head, refusing to move. To magically stumble upon The One like finding the gold at the end of a rainbow that is being carried by a unicorn with leprechaun jockey.
Marriage is like rolling Play-Doh, the more two different colors are meshed together the harder it becomes to distinguish one from another. In marriage you begin to rub off on each other, subtly taking on traits and characteristics of the other.
Does this thought excite you or does it make you feel like you just digested a can of the before mentioned Play-Doh? Yes in marriage you still are your own person. And you need to have your own identity beyond your spouse. One of the biggest lies of our culture is that attraction is solely about appearance. If you can just get your hair, abs, complexion, and clothes just right, then The One will scamper to you like a squirrel to a nut factory.
However, attraction runs much deeper than looks. And unsuccessfully trying to catch up. We all have values that direct us and help us make decisions — problem is most of us have never articulated what those values are.
Not all values are the same and sometimes you can have two very good people with very good values, but those values can feel at war with each other. Both values are good, but if not articulated and discussed could be a point of high conflict if the responsible person likes consistency and Questions to ask yourself before dating a girl, while the risk-taker likes changing things up and going for the impossible.
Take me for example, one of my core values is authenticity. I struggle being in a job, friendship, situations, etc. Thus my career path has been anything but straight-forward, which could drive any sane person crazy.
Thankfully, my wife has been very supportive because she knew this was the way I was wired from the beginning and it aligns with her core beliefs, as she enjoys change and pursuing things off the beaten path. Are you fitting and conforming to some abstract idea of what you think they want? Or are you blossoming and flourishing into who you really are?
Is your partner trying to force you to become like some figment of their unrealistic dating imagination? Or are they challenging you to become a better, authentic you?
Not trying to change you, but trying to bring the best to the top. However, for many of us our fallback communication plan will be the one our parents laid out for us. Holidays, especially, are giving you a glimpse into how your partner has been taught and trained. Your partner can look and smell like a rose, and yet continue to prick you with their sharpened barbs.
Does your partner seek out ways to understand "Questions to ask yourself before dating a girl" you receive love and meet that need? Do you do the same? When someone loves from their strengths they know who they are and are drawing from a deep, full well to give to you without demanding a drink in return.
Honestly, going into marriage with my wife I really struggled talking about money.
I let money and the honest conversations about it become a wedge in my relationship. Conversations about money can be the great time bomb in a relationship.